Dakota Jokes / Recent Jokes
An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother said. "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I can stand another Canadian winter!"
ALABAMA: Hell, yes, we have electricity!
ALASKA: 11,623 Eskimos can't be wrong!
ARIZONA: But it's a dry heat!
ARKANSAS: Literacy ain't everything!
CALIFORNIA: By 30, our women have more plastic than your Honda!
COLORADO: If you don't ski, don't bother!
CONNECTICUT: Like Massachusetts, only the Kennedys don't own it yet!
DELAWARE: We really do like the chemicals in our water!
FLORIDA: Home of the headless drivers!
GEORGIA: We put the "fun" in fundamentalist extremism!
HAWAII: Haka tiki mou sha'ami leeki Toru. (Death to mainland scum, leave your money.)
IDAHO: More than just potatoes. .. well, okay, we're not, but the potatoes sure are real good!
ILLINOIS: Please don't pronounce the "S"!
INDIANA: Two billion years tidal wave free!
IOWA: We do amazing things with corn!
KANSAS: First of the rectangle more...
This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was ready. The man then asked if she still had that string of pearls necklace that he admired so much. She replied, "Well, yes darling, I do. But what in the world would you need it for at a time like this? He looked again at all her "preparations" and replied, "Ain't no way I'm gonna try to go into a mess like that without chains."
Alabama
Literacy ain't everything
Ya want fries with dat?
Alaska
Come, freeze your butt off
Arizona
Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds
Arkansas
At least we're not Mississippi
California
The Granola State
Nobody's actually from here
Fast reloading lanes available
The really long state
Colorado
Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here
Official home of the winter ski bunny
Connecticut
Way too close to New York
Delaware
You'll need a map to find us
So close to Washington you can smell it
Florida
The Gunshine State
Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans go to die
Senior citizen discounts available
Come, enjoy the humidity
The snow capital of the US
Georgia
Home of the Rednecks
Gateway to Florida
Confederate money welcome
Hawaii
Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over
Book 'em Danno
Tom Seleck, Jack Lord, Don Ho - more...
Alabama: At Least We Aren't Mississippi
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong
Arizona: Really, It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: As Seen on TV
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Just Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: Without Atlanta We're Alabama
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well OK, We're Not - But the Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: Two Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People, Nine Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We more...
Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave
Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure
Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's more...
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own!"
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, more...