Cover Jokes / Recent Jokes
This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her."
Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news."
Again the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?"
Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."
The guy slumps, just crushed.
Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, more...
21 Slogans To Help Promote Safe Sex
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong when you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home & whack it
8. If you think she's spunky cover your money
9. If you slip between her things, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you're going into heat, package your meat
13. When you're undressing your venus dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants & blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, Never deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in oil before more...
Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an affair with a former worshiper.
The scandal was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem.
Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a long time," that she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his child."
In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying that "No sexual relationship existed" and that "the facts of this story will come out in time, verily."
Independent counsel Kenneth Beazulbub immediately filed a brief with the Justice department to expand his investigation to cover questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether God had illegally funneled laundered money to his illegitimate child through three foreign more...
21 Slogans To Help Promote Safe Sex1. Cover your stump before you hump2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker3. Don't be silly, protect your willy4. When in doubt, shroud your spout5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner6. You can't go wrong when you shield your dong7. If you're not going to sack it, go home & whack it8. If you think she's spunky cover your money9. If you slip between her things, be sure to condomize10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick12. If you're going into heat, package your meat13. When you're undressing your venus dress up your penis14. When you take off her pants & blouse, slip up your trouser mouse15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member16. Never, Never deck her, with an unwrapped pecker17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool18. The right selection will protect your erection19. Wrap it in oil before checking her oil20. A crank with armor will never harm her21. NO GLOVE NO LOVE!
Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an affair with a former worshiper.The scandal was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem.Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a long time," that she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his child."In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying that "No sexual relationship existed" and that "the facts of this story will come out in time, verily."Independent counsel Kenneth Beazulbub immediately filed a brief with the Justice department to expand his investigation to cover questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether God had illegally funneled laundered money to his illegitimate child through three foreign operatives identified more...
one day a man was jumping on a manhole cover and yelling 31! 31! 31! another guy came up to him and said "what are you doing? you look like a complete ass!" the guy that was jumping replied "it's a game, you wanna try? it's actually pretty fun." so the guy get son the manhole cover and starts hopping up and down saying 31 31 31 31.
the first guy said "no no no! your doing it wrong, you have to jump higher and yell louder"
so the guy jumps up and yells 31! and as soon as he does that, the first guy pulls the manhole cover out from under him and makes him fall down the hole. He then puts the manhole cover back on, gets on it again and resumes jumping and yelling 32! 32! 32! 32!
I'm glad I'm a woman
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
and I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch
or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see - I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from more...