Received Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One day, a French spy received a coded message from an American spy claiming it came directly from President Bush. It read: S370HSSV-0773H.
    The spy was stumped, so he sent it to his boss at the agency. His boss was stumped too, so he sent it to the Russians for decoding.
    The Russians couldn't solve it either, so they asked the Germans.
    The Germans, having received this same message during WWII from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down.

    Johnnie wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks... but nothing happened.
    Johnnie decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president.
    The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Johnnie a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
    When Johnnie received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read:
    Dear God:
    Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don't do that because, as usual, those jerks took 95%.
    Love,
    Johnnie

    An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He
    wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was a lot of
    work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent,
    who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote
    a letter to his son and described his predicament.
    Dear Vincent,
    I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I
    won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm
    just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I
    know if you were here my troubles would be over. I
    know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
    Love, Dad
    A few days later he received a letter from his son.
    Dear Dad,
    Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
    bodies.
    Love, Vinnie
    At 4 a. m. the next morning, FBI agents and local
    police arrived and dug up the entire area without
    finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
    left.
    That same day the old man received another letter more...

    A Japanese soap manufacturing company received a complaint that a consumer
    had bought a box of soap that was empty. Management tasked its engineers
    to solve the problem permanently to avoid any reoccurrence.
    The engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution
    monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed
    through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked
    hard and they worked fast.
    But a rank-and-file employee that was posed the same problem came out with
    another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed
    it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox
    passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

    A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:
    "I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
    The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
    "Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."
    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
    "You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."
    The prisoner wrote another letter:
    "Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

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