Congress Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional ammendment.

The U.S. Congress passed a bill yesterday giving President Bush the expanded war powers he requested.

Provisions of the bill include reclassifyng terror suspects as "the usual suspects," disallowing torture except when no one's looking, and replacing the Geneva Conventions with the Sadr City Conventions.

...congressional approval rating is at an all time low of 9%....this means that the only people who think congress is doing well are in congress.

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,
here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern
Methodist University:
In-class Assignment for Wednesday:
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting
to his other immediate right. One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will
then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to
re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
reached. The following was actually turned in by two of my English
students, Rebecca [last name deleted] and Gary [last name deleted.] "
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind more...

The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to three of them. They called Congress and asked them to voteon a method of determining each General's early retirementbonus. After voting Congress decided that each man would choose two points of their body to measure between and then each man would be paid $10, 000 per inch. They called in the first General. He decide to havethem measure from the top of his head to the bottom of hisfeet. Upon measuring it to 6 feet, they paid him $720, 000. The next General, thinking a little bit more, stretchedhis arms above his head, and asked them to measure from thetips of his fingers, to the bottom of his feet. After measuring 8 feet, they paid him $960, 000. The next General, with a smug look on his face, asked them to measure from the tip of his penis to the bottom ofhis balls. Congress decided to call in a medical officer. The medical officer asked the General to drop his pants. The more...

Among the many changes instituted by the new Democrat majority in Congress is how they refer to new Senators. Party leaders say they will no longer use the "derogatory" term "freshman" to describe first-term Senators.
Instead, in an effort to be more politically correct, newly-elected officials will henceforth be referred to as "not yet corrupt."

The Congress is a strange place where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs.