Comments Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more...

Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...

Top 10 Comments Made By The Reindeer During Their Xmas Flight^10. "Sheesh! What's he been eating this year? ROCKS?"

9. "He shouts all our names all the time, sure, but do you really think he
knows which one is which?"

8. "I never knew Donner had a tattoo THERE."

7. "Sure... HIS seat is a flotation device. What about us?"

6. "Tried those new lite oats? You really should."

5. "Man, I hope we pause on a rooftop soon. I'm beat."

4. "HEY! Watch the antlers there, buddy!"

3. "Did you hear you-know-who got a nose job?"

2. "You know, after a few hundred miles, these jingling bells really get
annoying!"

And Finally...

1. "So, you want to go someplace afterward for some reindeer games?"

These are actual comments left last year on Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips:"A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.""Escalators would help on steep uphill sections." "Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.""Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.""Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.""All the mile markers are missing this year.""Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.""Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.""Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these more...

A Marketing Manager got married to a woman who had previously been married eight times. On his wedding night, his wife informed him that she was still a virgin. This puzzled the Marketing Manager since after eight marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomena. Her comments were as follows,"My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms,' It's gonna be great!'My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation. My third husband was from Field Service who constantly said that everything was diagnostically' okay', but he just couldn't get the system up. My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said,' Those who can... do; Those who can't... teach.'My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department who said that he had more...

The Unofficial Manual for Graduate Teaching Assistants Teaching Introductory Computer Science Courses for Non-majors LATE HOMEWORK When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late and asks for full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it will be awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not have time to grade it until after you complete your Ph.D. DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS 1. If students will not stop talking when the class period begins, announce that there will be a quiz the following day on today's lecture. Then leave. 2. If your students are prone to reading the school paper in class, try taking out a full page ad in the paper informing them that they are going to flunk your class. LECTURES 1. In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be sure to use the class time to stress to the class the importance of keeping up with the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time stressing this. 2. When the time comes to lecture on a subject you know more...

Dear 'me' AKA ??? stephenson Will you please refrain from making racist welsh comments involvin sheep and otha racist comments about them becase i have managed to hack into the isp number wich your e mail adress was made onn and ifr u dont refrain from this racisum i will personaly come over to your house and burn it down as i have managed to get your adress from the adress your computer is registerd on and usin ur isp i can find your adress and i will kill you and i managed to get ur last name as ur computer was registerd and now if u dont stop ill kill u and ur family
hey jamie its sherman sorry i was just doin that to scare u because even if the jokes are about a twat im very affended