Clubhouse Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two avid golfers were sitting in the clubhouse. One said to his friend, "I'm sorry to hear that your uncle passed away last week. I understand that it was while you two were playing golf. I hear you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse. That must have been very hard for you considering he weighed over two hundred pounds. "Oh, carrying him wasn't that hard," said his friend, sadly. "The difficult part was putting him down... and then picking him up again after every stroke."

My wife said to me, "Frank, it's about time that you learned to play golf - You know, golf. That's the game where you chase a ball all over the country when you are too old to chase women."
So, I went to see Red Miller and asked him if he would teach me how to play. He said, "Sure, you've got balls, haven't you?"

I said, "Yes, but sometimes on cold mornings they're kinda hard to find."

"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow." he said, "And we will tee off."

"What's tea off?" I asked.

He said, "It's a golf term and we have to tee off in front of the clubhouse."

"Not at a bar somewhere?"
"No, no," he said. "A tee is a little thing about the size of your little finger."

"Yeah, I've got one of those."

"Well," he said, "You stick it in the ground and put your ball on top of more...

A married couple was on a golf course, as the woman was cadding for her husband. The man tees up and shanks the ball way off course and it lands next to the clubhouse. The woman quickly observes that' if you open the clubhouse front doors, and I hold open the back doors, you can easily chip it right onto the green'. The man thinks about for a bit, and agrees it is a possible shot. So he lines up the shot, and chips it. Bang. It hit his wife right in the head and she dropped dead. A few years go by, and he's up at the same tee with his new girlfriend cadding for him. He again Shanks the ball next to the clubhouse, and she notices that if she holds the back doors open it would be an easy chip to the green. The man looks totally shocked by the irony of the situation, and replies. Nah, last time I tried that shot, I double boogied the hole!!!

A golfer was having such a terrible day one day that he couldn't help but take it out on his caddy. "You're terrible!" he screamed. "When we get back to the clubhouse, I'm going to see that you get fired!"
"That's okay by me," the caddy replied calmly. "By the time we get back to the clubhouse, I'll be old enough to get a regular job!"

My wife said to me, "George, it is about time that you learned golf - you know, golf - that's the game where you chase a ball all over the country when you are too old to chase women."
So I went to see Jones and asked him if he would teach me how to play. He said, "Sure, you've got balls, haven't you?" "Yes," I said, "Sometimes on cold mornings they're kinda hard to find."
"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow," he said, "and we have to tee off in front of the clubhouse." "Not for me," I said, "You can tee off there if you want to but I'll tee off behind the barn somewhere."
"No, no," he said, "a tee is a little thing about the size of your little finger." "Yeah, I got one of those." "Well," he said, "You stick it in the ground and put your ball on top of it." I asked, "Do you play golf sitting down? I always thought that you stood up and more...