Cheese Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids along a new bus route.

At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked, "What's your name?" "Patty" she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus.

On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him "Special Ross."

Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunyons.

Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on. Grover had never met her, so he asked her her name and her name was also Patty.

On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking...

"Dang, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunyons, on a Sesame Street bus!"

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids along a new bus route.
At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked, "What's your name?" "Patty" she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus.
On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him "Special Ross."
Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunyons.
Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on. Grover had never met her, so he asked her her name and her name was also Patty.
On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking...
"Dang, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunyons, on a Sesame Street bus!"

What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater? - "Thats the most violent book I've ever read."

More beer. More cheese. More sex.
Vitamin fortified cigars.
Public beer fountains.
Kitty catapults.
All day happy hour at a lesbian Hooters.
Wet T-shirt Fridays.
Replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors.
Rocket boots.
Machine gun camp.
NASA space shuttle races.
Sledgehammer boxing.
Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind, and delete arguments.
Congressional pie fights.
Government research grants to build the perfect chicken parmesan hero.
More beer. More cheese. More sex.
Tomahawk missile surf boards.
Hot tub jury boxes.
Nacho cheese lipstick.
Personal midget-ninja chauffeurs.
New TV shows: PBS’ The BBQ Hour, Total Kung-Fu Live, and America’s Funniest Farts.
24-hour, on call UN negotiator for when you stumble home late, drunk, with lipstick stains on your collar.
More beer. More cheese. More sex.
Condoms that whistle, whir, and honk when more...

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds during the course of the day.
BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice of whole wheat toast
8 oz. low fat or skim milk
LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Oreo cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
Rest of Oreos in pack
2 pints Haagen Daz ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce, nuts, cherries, whipped cream
DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese large sausage & cheese pizza
4 cans or 1 large pitcher beer
3 Milky Way candy bars
LATE EVENING NEWS
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer.
RULES FOR THIS DIET
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't more...

I went to the park today. I sat on a bench. I reflected. All this while eating a turkey and provolone sandwich. Wow, I can multi-task.
A squirrel came over to me and asked me for a bite. (Well, he didn't ask, but you know...) So I peeled a piece of cheese off my sandwich and tossed it to him.
At which point a peculiar homeless guy, seated a few feet away from me and eating his own sandwich, said, "Be careful giving them cheese. Constipates'em. Can't get their nuts out."
You learn wherever you go-you just have to be open to it.

A man swallowed a mouse while sleeping on the couch one day. His wife quickly called the doctor and said, "Doctor, please come quickly. My husband just swallowed a mouse and he's gagging and thrashing about." "I'll be right over," the doctor said. "In the meantime, keep waving a piece of cheese over his mouth to try to attract the mouse up and out of there." When the doctor arrived, he saw the wife waving a piece of smoked herring over her husband's mouth." Uhh, I told you to use cheese, not herring, to lure the mouse." "I know, doc," she replied, "but first I've got to get the darn cat out of him!"