Checkout Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say' Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127. 50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your more...

I was walking through the supermarket to pick up a few things when I noticed an old lady following me around. Thinking nothing of it, I ignored her and continued on. Finally I went to the checkout line, but she got in front of me. “Pardon me, ” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently. ” “I’m very sorry, ” I said to her, “Is there anything I can do for you? ” “Yes, ” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother? It would make me feel so much better. ” “Sure, ” I said. An odd request, but no harm would come of it. As the old woman was leaving, I called out, “Goodbye, Mother! ” As I stepped up to the checkout counter, I saw that my total was $127. 50. “How can that be? ” I asked, “I only purchased a few things! ” “Your mother said that you would pay for her, ” said the clerk.

A man shopping in a supermarket brought his purchase of two cans of
dog food to the checkout counter. The cashier asked, "Sir, do you have
a dog?"
"Yes." replied the man.
"Well, where is it?" asked the cashier.
"I left him home." he answered.
"Sorry," the cashier said, "You can't buy the dog food if I can't see
the dog. That's the rules."
The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the
checkout. "Do you have a cat?" asked the cashier. "Yes," he said, "but
I left him home."
"Sorry," she said, "If I can't see the cat, I can't sell you the food.
That's the rules."
The next day the man walked into the store with a brown paper bag. He
walked up to the cashier and said, "Here. Put your hand in here."
The cashier put her hand in and said, "It's soft and warm. What more...

A man was shopping in a supermarket brought his purchase of two cans of dog food to the checkout counter.
The cashier asked, "Sir, do you have a dog?"
"Yes." replied the man.
"Well, where is it?" asked the cashier.
"I left him home." he answered.
"Sorry," the cashier said, "You can't buy the dog food if I can't see the dog. That's the rules."
The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the checkout.
"Do you have a cat?" asked the cashier.
"Yes," he said, "but I left him home."
"Sorry," she said, "If I can't see the cat, I can't sell you the food. That's the rules."
The next day the man walked into the store with a brown paper bag. He walked up to the cashier and said, "Here. Put your hand in here."
The cashier put her hand in and said, "It's soft and warm. What is it?"
The more...

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry, and was not happy about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom, you'll be home in no time."

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long."Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said softly, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."When they got to the checkout stand, the little girls immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother patiently said, "Monica, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."The man followed them out to the parking lot and more...

I was shopping at our local supermarket.When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead ofme.As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her,"Paper or plastic?""It doesn't matter," she replied, "I'm bisacksual."