Checkout Jokes / Recent Jokes

The checkout line at the hardware store was getting longer and longer as the clerk labored to get the new cash register to cooperate. At one point she wailed "Oh no, NOW what do I do? It just rang up sixty-four thousand, five hundered seventy four dollars in sales tax on a ten-dollar sale! "Suprisingly, the customers in front of me didn't seem too upset by the delay. Some even chuckled sympathetically. It wasn't until I got near the front of the line that I saw the neatly hand-lettered sign in front of the register: WE ARE CURRENTLY DOING BATTLE WITH OUR NEW COMPUTER FOR CONTROL OF THE STORE---WE APPRECIATE YOUR PATIENCE.

Submitted by Darcy

I was walking through the supermarket to pick up a few things when I noticed an old lady following me around.

Thinking nothing of it, I ignored her and continued on.

Finally I went to the checkout line, but she got in front of me.

'Pardon me,' she said,' I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.'

'I'm very sorry,' I said to her,' Is there anything I can do for you?'

'Yes,' she said,' As I'm leaving, can you say' Good bye, Mother? It would make me feel so much better.'

'Sure,' I said. An odd request, but no harm would come of it. As the old woman was leaving, I called out,' Goodbye, Mother!'

As I stepped up to the checkout counter, I saw that my total was $127. 50.

'How can that be?' I asked,' I only purchased a few things!'

'Your mother said that you would pay for her,' more...

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time."

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $
127.
50.
"How can that be?" He asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would more...

Here are the reasons I'd Like to thank Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target, and my local grocer for having 25 checkout lanes and only three open at any given time.
- Waiting in long lines keeps my domestic brain from going completely idle - there's so much to learn!
- I can catch up on my magazine reading without buying any.
- I have time to leave my cart in line and run back to get the 13 things on my list I forgot.
- I can be one of those annoying cell phone users and catch up on all my phone calls to my insurance agent, mother-in-law, and Auntie Anne.
- I can catch a quick catnap now rather than on the drive home.
- I can assess what other people have in their carts and get exciting new dinner ideas.
- I can finally apply my top coat of nail polish with plenty of drying time.
- I can run next door and pick up my dry cleaning.
- I can update my coupon organizer and leave the trash in the we-never-open-enough-checkout-lanes store instead of my purse.
- I more...