Charlie Jokes / Recent Jokes

After a long period of unemployment, a lumberjack finally succeeds in finding work. After six months of being out in the boonies and being totally bored to death during his off-hours, he asks one of his coworkers:
"Ya know, I've been out here in the middle of nowhere for six months now, and I'm dying for some excitement. Any women around here?"
His friend answers "Sorry, Bud, no women around here, but if it's excitement you really want, tell ya what... There's an old cabin down by the riverbank, and an old guy name'a Charlie lives there. If you don't mind spending a little money, Charlie will show you the time of your life."
"NO. NO WAY! I DON'T GO IN FOR THAT KINDA STUFF! WHAT THE HELL D'YOU THINK I AM, ANYWAY?"
"Okay, but you're gonna be out here for a long time..."
"I don't care. I'm not doing anything like that, so forget it."
And so...
Six months after this conversation took place, the fella goes back more...

I remember the 60s, so - at least according to one expert (Wavey Gravy, social commentator and DJ) on the subject - I wasn't THERE. When the 60s recalled these days, it's usually done to point out how angry, vulgar and hateful a time they were. The image is a bit overblown.
At least when it comes to Christmasy things, the 60s weren't all bad. Charlie Schulz gave us "A Charlie Brown Christmas" back then and that's when the Grinch first became famous.
I seem to recall a cycle of whimsically ironic humor from back in the 60s. Now, by "whimsically ironic" I mean Jokes that would come from the lips of a Jonathan Winters rather than pen of a P. J. O'Rourke. Anybody remember these? Anybody remember others? Look, I don't care what star you're following, get them blasted camels off my lawn!
"Ho, ho, ho" yerself, little fat guy, the hooves of those animals are chewing up my shingles something fierce!

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call
each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw
in $20, even though it's only for $32. 50. None of them will have
anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change
back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these more...

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.
The nurse asks him,"Charlie what are you doing?" And Charlie replies, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, Well Charlie, how you doing?" Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago" Great," replied the nurse.
The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room and finds Bob sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.
With surprise she asks, "Bob what are you doing!" Bob says... "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

MEN AND WOMEN COMPARE THE FOLLOWING:

NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32. 50. None of them will have anything smaller,

and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.


BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, comb, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to more...

Well Charlie Brown went past some models, two minutes later he went to see a friend. He said I think that I am alergic to girls, I have a lump in my pants.

Mist circled sluggishly in the air of the steam room as George and Charlie attempted to melt from their bodies the excesses of the night before.
"How was youT date last night?" George asked.
"Awful," Charlie responded. "Beautiful, but awful. I was disgusted. The minute we got to her apartment, the phone started ringing-every big operator in town wanted a date with her. We didn't have a moment's peace. Man, was I fed up!"
"Come on, Charlie," George twitted his friend, "don't you expect a beautiful girl to have her number in the phone book?"
"Yeah," growled Charlie, "but not in the Yellow Pages."