Cat Jokes / Recent Jokes
This is a wonderful time of year when the humans decorate the home for us cats in anticipation of the visit from "Santa Claws." The tree went up yesterday, and so did we! Whee! Made it to the fourth branch within the first five minutes before the Big Owner chased us out of the tree.
So, as we do every year, we waited and watched the humans decorate the Cat-mas tree with all sorts of these things humans call "ornaments."
We call them "cat toys."
Ornaments are invitations to a cat, bright and shiny spheres just
daring us to knock them off. And we're pretty good at it,
considering all the trees they've decorated.
Every year humans hang the ornaments a little higher out of our
range, forcing us to elevate our game to knock them off. Humans
"ohhh and ahhh" as they decorate the Cat-mas tree. Us? We salivate in anticipation of the night's activities.
The humans retire to bed, as is custom during Cat-mas more...
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats. Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be. At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you. Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes. Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it. Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won't feed you fast enough. Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit. Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right. Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner. Cats know what more...
What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool? She had mittens!
A cat matures as it grows older.
Back hair on cats is cute.
Cats comfort you when you are sick.
When a cat sleeps all day it's natural, not annoying.
Unlike a man, a cat can fend for itself.
A cat is loyal.
Cats actually think with their heads.
"Meow" is never a lie.
They'll both stand outside your door and whine, but the cat will stop when it gets in.
It's more amusing to watch a cat try and deal with a piece of tape stuck on its paw than to watch a man do anything.
To buy a fancy dinner for a cat only costs 35 cents.
A cat's friend is less likely to be annoying.
Cats can't show love without meaning it.
Cats are always cute.
It is legal in all states to neuter a cat.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Q: What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have? A: A catastrophe! Q: Who was the most powerful cat in China? A: Chairman Miaow! Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree? A: A cat-a-logue! Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim? A: An octopuss! Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross? A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit! Q: When the cat's away.....? A: The house smells better! Q: Why was the cat so small? A: Because it only ate condensed milk! Q: Why did the cat cross the road? A: It was the chicken's day off!
How do cats eat spaghetti? The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!