Cat Jokes / Recent Jokes
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."
The cat thought for a mnute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."
God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."
God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound more...
What did the cat say when he lost all his money? I'm paw!
How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold? He has cat-arrh!
A lady rushes into the veterinarian and screams, "I found my dog unconscious and I can''t wake him - do something."
The vet lays the dog on the examination table and after a few simple tests he says, "I''m sorry, I don''t feel a pulse, I''m afraid your dog is dead".
The lady can''t accept this and says, "No, no, he can''t be dead - do something else."
The vet goes into the other room, and comes back with a little cat. The cat jumps up on the table and starts sniffing the dog from head to toe. It sniffs and sniffs up and down the dog, then all of a sudden just stops and jumps off the table and leaves. "Well, that confirms it," the vet says, "your dog is dead."
The lady is very upset but finally settles down. "Okay, I guess you''re right. How much do I owe you?" The vet says, "That will be $340."
The lady has a fit and asks, "Why is it so much? After all the more...
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods... Cats have never forgotten this. Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs... You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God!Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes. Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling? She's got that down in the mouth look!