Pet Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I wanted to get a dog for my son. But the pet shop doesn't do swaps.

    A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive.
    The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!."
    "No worries," replies the clerk.
    "We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs."
    "Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent.
    With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen.
    In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen.
    She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
    "What are you two doing?" she asks.
    "Well," says the husband. "If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."

    Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says "I want four budgies." Salesman-certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female? Newfie-I don't care. I just want 4 budgies! Salesman-certainly sir, what color would you like? We have yellow, blue, gr... Newfie - I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a box for me. Is that too hard? Salesman - O.K. O.K. The two newfies pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this high cliff in Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom. The second newfie looks down at his friend's twisted remains and says "What a shame. this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be!"

    A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in South Louisiana recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
    "Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Deez here are my pet fish."
    "Pet fish?"
    Ya. Avery night I take deez here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim' round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem home."
    "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
    The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's de truth ma' fren. I'll show you. It really works."
    "Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
    The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
    "Well, what?" said the Cajun
    "When are you going to call more...

    Jerry is hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he's excited. He's especially thrilled because he gets to play two long solos.
    After the sessions, which go great, Jerry can't wait to see the finished product. He asks the producer where and when he can catch the film. A little embarrassed, the producer explains that the music is for a porno flick that will be out in a month, and he tells Jerry where he can go to see it.
    A month later, Jerry, with his collar up and wearing glasses, goes to the theater where the picture is playing. He walks in and sits way in the back, next to an elderly couple who also seem to be disguised and hiding.
    The movie starts, and it's the filthiest, most perverse porno flick ever... group sex, S&M, everything... and then, halfway through, a dog gets in on the action. Before anyone can blink an eye, the dog has had sex with all the women in every orifice, and most of the men.
    Embarrassed, Jerry turns to the old couple and more...

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