Carl Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were 2 guys who were best friends, Bob and Carl, that went walking everyday past a very fancy restuarant made up of very clear, expensive glass. Well everytime they went by, they would always make jokes about the rich snobs who dined there (of course because they were jealous because they wanted to be in there eating the expensive food). So one day Bob made a bet with Carl that he could make half of the people throw up. As soon as Carl agreed on the bet, Bob went and put his boogers and some dog poop all over the glass and indeed half of the people did throw up. So Carl lost some money but wanted to get it back. So he made a bet the he could get the other half of the people to throw up. Bob thought there is no way of doing this but he did. Carl went up and licked it all off! And in the end they both broke even.
The End (lol)

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,
here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern
Methodist University:
In-class Assignment for Wednesday:
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting
to his other immediate right. One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will
then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to
re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
reached. The following was actually turned in by two of my English
students, Rebecca [last name deleted] and Gary [last name deleted.] "
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind more...

Anxious to be on time for his date, Carl nevertheless dropped into a drugstore to make a hasty purchase. The druggist gave him a knowing smile, so Carl gave him a run-down on the expectations he had for the evening.
"I met this girl at a party last week," he explained. "A real hot number. Her folks are going to the opera tonight and it will be just the two of us with the whole apartment to ourselves." Carl was greeted with a warm hug at the door by Nancy, his date. They settled on the couch and turned on the TV. Her folks would be leaving in a few minutes, she explained. Her father wasn't home from work yet and as soon as he arrived, the parents would be departing for dinner and the opera.
Nancy's father arrived soon after and she introduced both parents to Carl.
"Say, why don't Nancy and I join you this evening?" Carl suggested.
"Oh, you children don't want to be spending your evening with us old folks," said Nancy's more...

Recently, there was a public television special honoring writer Larry Gelbart, whose credits include the TV show "M*A*S*H*", the movies "Tootsie" and "Oh, God," and the Broadway revival of "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum."
At one point, Carl Reiner was seated between Gelbart and Mel Brooks, talking about the days when they all worked for Sid Ceasar.
One great moment went something like this:
Carl Reiner: (pointing at Larry Gelbart) I'm sitting between the wittiest and (pointing at Mel Brooks) funniest people that I know.
(With perfect timing, Mel Brooks does a spit-take and sprays a mouthful of water at the audience.)
Host: Can you tell us what the difference is between witty and funny?
Larry Gelbart: (without missing a beat) Witty is dry.

Writing Prof. Miller In-class Assignment for Wednesday Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. Begin: ----------------------------------------------------------- At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was more...

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 34", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment. This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7 tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the re st of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off. Bob, now more...

Carl Rowen, the black reporter and columnist, tells about when he moved into an affluent white neighborhood years ago.



A few days after the move, he went out and mowed the lawn. The man next door (who didn't realize a black family had moved in) came over and said, "Hey, it looks like you're doing a good job. I need somebody good to mow my lawn too. How much are they paying you?"



Carl Rowen said, "They aren't paying me anything, but I get to sleep with the lady of the house."