Carl Jokes / Recent Jokes
A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is' contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands.
"Carl," she says.
Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps' cause they're contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher.
Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious."
The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!"
Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?"
Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me,' Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"
WHAT IS THE PIG'S FAVOURITE VACATION SPOT?
ANS: WALLOW WALLOW, WASHINGTON
WHY DID THE LEOPARD HAVE A LOUSU VACATION?
ANS: HE COULDN; T FIND THE RIGHT SPOT.
WHY DID THE ELEPHANT HAVE A LOUSY VACATION?
ANS: THE AIRLINE LOST HIS TRUNK!
KNOCK-KNOCK
WHO'S THERE?
CARL.
CARL WHO
CARL ME A TAXI. I WANT TO GO TO THE AIRPORT.
WHY DID THE MONSTER WANT TO GO SURFING?
ANS: HE WANTED TO HANG ELEVEN!
After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car is a hurry, and ran home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary,' A girl's best friends are her own two legs.' On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were kissing passionately, Carl slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary,' I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs.' On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time, Mary didn't get home until very late. That night, she wrote in her diary,' There comes a time when even the best of friends must part.'
Three guys found themselves in Hades: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4', dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard,' Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!' And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard,' Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!' And Carl, like Brett, was whisked more...
Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment. This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the re st of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off. Bob, now more...
Former NBA All-Star Carl Braun has died at the age of 82. The New Jersey Nets have offered him a 10-day contract.
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Carl!
Carl who?
Carl get you there quicker than if you walk!