Cage Jokes / Recent Jokes
Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who's used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can hook on a more...
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling up to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"
A man has a new job as a zookeeper. The head zookeeper tells him that if an animal dies round here then you will have to pay for them.
His first stop is a bird house and he finds 200 finches dead. The zookeeper looks on the chart on the cage which reads $1 a bird. The zookeeper cant afford that so he throws all the dead finches into the lions cage for the lion to eat.
His next stop is the ape house and he finds 10 chimps dead. He looks on the chart on the cage which reads $10 per chimp. He cant afford so much money so he throws them in the lion cage for the lion to eat.
His final stop is the bee hives. He finds 1000 bees dead. He looks on the chart and it reads a dime per bee. Knowing he cant afford such money, he mashes all the bees into a ball and throws them in the lion cage for the lion to eat.
The next day a new lion comes into the cage.
''whats the food like'' He asks
''Its not bad'' Says the lion ''Yesterday we had finch, chimps and mushy bees!''
This man back east had a garden, and his tomatoes were being chewed on by a rat. So the man bought a trap and caught the rat.
He called the humane society to come and pick up the rat (instead of just killing it) and between the time of his phone call and the humane society arriving at his home, the rat tried to crawl out of it's cage. The man didn't want the rat escaping in his house, especially since his two grandchildren were there, so he took a stick and hit it 4 or 5 times, trying to get it back in the cage, and accidentally killed it.
Now here's the clincher... the humane society arrived, found out he killed the rat and issued him 2 tickets for cruelty to animals!
Can you believe this!? He did go to court and the judge threw out the case... so, valuable court time and our tax money was spent trying to convict a rat murderer!
Only in America....
Courtesy of Dateline NBC...
A man has a very horny parrot and is having a terrible time with it. Each time he reaches into the cage, the parrot humps his arm. When he invites his mother over for coffee, the parrot keeps saying foul things. Finally, he takes the parrot to the vet.
After examining the parrot extensively, the vet says, "You have a very horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine."
The man's parrot is listening and says, "Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for??"
Finally, the man says okay and hands over the fifteen dollars.
The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, and closes the curtain. Suddenly, "Kwah! Kwah! Kwah!" Feathers come flying out of the cage.
The vet exclaims, "Oh, my gosh," runs across the room and opens the curtain.
The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage and is pulling out all her feathers. more...
This man back east had a garden, and his tomatoes were being chewed on by a rat. So the man bought a trap and caught the rat.He called the humane society to come and pick up the rat (instead of just killing it) and between the time of his phone call and the humane society arriving at his home, the rat tried to crawl out of it's cage. The man didn't want the rat escaping in his house, especially since his two grandchildren were there, so he took a stick and hit it 4 or 5 times, trying to get it back in the cage, and accidentally killed it.
Now here's the clincher... the humane society arrived, found out he killed the rat and issued him 2 tickets for cruelty to animals!
Can you believe this!? He did go to court and the judge threw out the case... so, valuable court time and our tax money was spent trying to convict a rat murderer!
Only in America....
Courtesy of Dateline NBC...
A tourist walks into a pet shop in Redmond, WA and is browsing around the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C Monkey, please." The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer saying, "That'll be $5000. 00." The customer pays and walks out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says "That was a very expensive monkey - most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?" "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, Y2K compliant, well worth the money." The tourist looks at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive - $10, 000 dollars! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a C++ Monkey; it can manage object-oriented Windows programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful more...