Cage Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you're looking for a really unusual pet," said the shop owner, "this cage contains a giant Crunch Bird. Its powerful beak and claws are capable of completely demolishing almost anything."
"How horrible," said the woman customer.
"Not at all," the pet-shop owner replied, "for the bird is remarkably well behaved and completely obedient. It is only when he is given a direct command, such as' Crunch Bird, the chair,' or' Crunch Bird, the table,' that he attacks and destroys the thing that was named."
"Could he destroy a television set?" the woman asked, with new interest.
"Console or table model. Color or black-and-white. If the Crunch Bird was given the command he would turn any set into a pile of metal scrap, wires and tubes in a few seconds."
"I want him!" the woman exclaimed. "I don't care what he costs, I want him!"
When the woman returned home, she found her husband more...

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes," said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "What`s your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That`s a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus."

Three mischievous boys went to the zoo one day for an outing, since theyhad been at school all week. They decided to visit the elephant cage, but soon enough, they were picked up by a cop for causing a commotion.

The officer hauled them off to security for questioning. The supervisor in charge asked them to give their names and tell what they were doing at theelephant cage.

The first boy innocently said, "My name is Gary, and I was just throwing peanuts into the elephant cage."

The second added, "My name is Larry, and all I was doing was throwing peanuts into the elephant cage."

The third boy was a little shaken up and said, "Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts."

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50. 00, which seemed awfully cheap.
"Why so little," she asked the pet storeowner.
The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird`s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation more...

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.

He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the more...

An unemployed actor is getting pretty desperate for work. He happens upon this guy from the zoo and he's looking for actors. The guy explains that they spent so much money on getting the habitat just right, they ran out of money to import the ape they wanted. They want to hire the actor to be that ape. Although the guy thinks this is pretty stupid, he takes the job anyway.
The first few days, the actor just sits there thinking he doesn't look real and that no one is stupid enough to fall for this stunt. He gets bored and decides to walk around and examine his little cage. With this, he notices that people are watching his every move. He decides to give them a show. After a couple weeks, he's swinging on the poles and dancing around making a lot of gorilla noises and is drawing quite a crowd.
One day he's showing off for a group of kids. He is swinging around and around a pole when all of a sudden, his hand slips and he goes flying over the cage wall and right into the lion's more...

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who is used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.
What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.
Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can more...