Cable Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is a Shreveport cable TV channel that broadcasts the (live) video of the Shreveport radar and the audio of the NOAA weather radio station. When explaining why he knew he should go into meteorology, he said that when he was young, he would sometimes watch the channel even when there were no echoes, just for fun.

Today I had just changed my desk. They came, took the old one away, and brought in the new one. And then left. They left me with the computer on the floor and about a billion cables to plug in. Plugging in cables was OK, because I know computers good enough. But, the cables themselves!
It seems that if you leave a cable alone, it tends to form knots. Not simple knots (the type your shoelace get, those one that makes you cut the lace!) but really crazy, schizophrenic knots. So, I thought that if a cable means knots, than more cable mean more knots. Wrong! If you get more cable together, they weave. In twenty minutes, the cable wove by themselves a nice sweater. I pulled it apart, since I needed the cables more.
The second thing I learned about cables is that there are two kinds: the too long ones, that you have to bend and twist in order to bring them to a more reasonable length, and the too short ones. The second kind was bloody better represented among my cables.
Well, more...

Extracted from US news papers:
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Sherri Lynn Rossi was hit in the head more than 20 times with a blunt object and left covered in
blood and in a coma on the side of a road, according to doctors in Pittsburgh in June. When she came
out of the coma, she identified her attacker as her husband, Richard A. Rossi Jr., pastor of the
local, independent, charismatic First Love Church. Richard Rossi denied the charge, insisting that
the hijacker must have been a man who looked like him and had a car like his, and that it was "very
possible, oh, yes" that his wife's attacker was Satan in human form. In October, Sherri Lynn Rossi
abruptly withdrew her accusation, and concurred that her attacker might have been a demon in human
form.
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New York city police arrested the city's most notorious traffic scofflaw, Leroy Linen, 41, in
November. He had inadvertently given them his real name more...

Eight ways to use a barometer to find the height of a building:

Measure the height of the barometer. Scale the side of the building, measuring its height in barometer-units.
Drop the barometer from the top of the building. Measure the time until it hits the street. Correcting for the mass/surface ratio of the instrument, use basic acceleration equation to find the height.
Tie string to top of barometer. Lower from roof to almost ground. Swing. Period of pendulum can be used to find distance from barometer's Center of Gravity to top of building.
Tie a long cable to the barometer and lower it from the top of the building to the ground, and then measure the length of the cable.
Take the barometer outside on a sunny day, measure its shadow and the buildings shadow.
Drop the barometer from the top of the building. Measure how far was it shifted by Corriolis force. The rest is trivial.
Sell the barometer. Purchase a tape measure long enough to more...

Hello. Tech Support; may I help you? "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.""Went away?" "They disappeared.""Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing.""Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.""Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?"[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?"[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."[Ah-at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug? ]"Does your monitor more...

In prison, you get three square meals a day.
At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it.
In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle.
At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation.
In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even.
At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable.
In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free.
At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years.
In prison, all your medical care is free.
At home, you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out trillions of papers for more...

In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation. In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even. At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable. In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free. At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years. In prison, all your medical care is free. At home, you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you more...