Broker Jokes / Recent Jokes

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, it's only $1 a share."

"Buy me 1000 shares." said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares."

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client."

"Great!" said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"

The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."

Was Affected by the Stock Market Crash "He can't come to the phone right now.. he's on the ledge." "He won't be in today... he was made an offer and he refused." "He left the building and not via the elevator.. if you catch my drift." "I'm sorry, sir.. she's not in... she's out digging up your can as we speak." There's a sign on her desk that says "Next Broker Please." "He's on another line with his Mommy.. would you care to hold?" "No sir, that wasn't him streaking through the Stock Exchange" "He's meeting with the SEC as we speak." "I'm sorry, ma'am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup." "Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the freeway."

The Top 10 Signs Your Broker Was Affected by the Stock Market Crash

"He can't come to the phone right now.. he's on the ledge."

"He won't be in today... he was made an offer and he refused."

"He left the building and not via the elevator.. if you catch my drift."

"I'm sorry, sir.. she's not in... she's out digging up your can as we speak."

There's a sign on her desk that says "Next Broker Please."

"He's on another line with his Mommy.. would you care to hold?"

"No sir, that wasn't him streaking through the Stock Exchange"

"He's meeting with the SEC as we speak."

"I'm sorry, ma'am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup."

"Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the more...

Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog
attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it. The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline "Valiant Student Saves Boy From
Fearsome Dog."The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, "Pompous Stock Broker Kills School
Mascot."

A young blonde female stock broker was bored with her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides, every other broker in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.

She visited a local car dealer and saw a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with it's gorgeous lines and red paint. An empty cheque stub later and off she was, tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car.

Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the stereo, what could possibly be better? What could possibly go wrong?

As that thought crossed her mind, there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded that she didn't have a bloody clue as to what was wrong. She grabbed her pocket phone and called the AutoClub. A short while later a bright shiny yellow tow truck pulled up behind more...