Bowler Jokes / Recent Jokes

A famous fast bowler was introduced to an areb sheik who boasted that he had eighty three wives.

The bowler retorted " You only need two more, and you're entitled to a new ball."

STANDARD BACKYARD CRICKET RULES

Can't Get Out First Ball: Curious rule introduced to give the token unco bastard a reprieve. Smart-arse batsmen use it to hone their reverse sweep - which becomes interesting when smart-arse bowlers use it to hone their beamer.

Caught Behind: Since no-one has the desire or the reflexes to stand in the slips cordon, an edge onto the back fence constitutes instant dismissal. Has signalled the death of the late cut.

One Hand, One Bounce: This popular innovation (When a fielder can dismiss a batsman by catching the ball in one hand on the first bounce)is essential to the very fabric of the sport. Importantly, it means a game can be organised with a minimum of players. More importantly, it means you don't have to put your beer down.

No LBW: When no umpires are available (or trustworthy), the only option is to can the LBW rule altogether, ensuring cagey batsmen shuffle across the crease as if test driving a Zimmer more...

The umpire had been hard on the bowler, no-balling him and turning down his every appeal.

'By the way,' asked the bowler,' how do you spell your name?'

'Britton,' said the umpire,' B-r-i-t-t-o-n.'

'Just as I thought,' murmured the bowler,' only one' I'! '

The bowler sent down a good ball which caught the batsman on the pads.
'Owwzat!' shouted the bowler

'Out; said the umpire, raising his finger.

'I'll have you know, my good man,' said the noble batsman' that I am Sir Roland Smythe- Montmorency.'

'In that case,' said the umpire' I'm afraid you're both out'.

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was English?
A. An all rounder.
Q. What is the main function of the England coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
Q. Why is Darren Gough the unluckiest bowler on tour?
A. Because he was born in England.
Q. What's the English version of a hat trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. Why don't English fielders need pre tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.
Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped.
Q. What do you call a Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Stewart?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q. What more...

The batsman said to the bowler,' Give me an easy one, will you? I bet a fellow in the crowd five pounds that I'd score four runs.'

The bowler did so and the batsman hit it to the boundary. Straight away, he walked for the pavilion.

'You're not out,' said the bowler,' Where are you going?'

The batsman yelled back:' I'm going to find the chap who bet me!'

The captain insisted that Joe opened the innings against the other side's demon bowler.

After the match, his mate Bill came up.

'How did you get on against the fast bowler?'

'No problems. I was having my teeth out tomorrow anyway.'