Version Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Original Version:
    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
    The New Liberal Version:
    It starts out the same, but when winter comes, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
    America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
    Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association for the Advancement of Green Bugs) shows up on NightLine more...

    The tex-mex version of "The night before Christmas"
    Jim and Nita Lee (Dec. 1972)' Twas the night before Christmas and all through the casa,
    Not a creature ws stirring -- Caramba! Que pasa?
    Los ninos were tucked away in their camas,
    Some in long underwear, some in pijamas,
    While hanging the stockings with mucho cuidado
    In hopes that old Santa would feel obligado
    To bring all children, both buenos and malos,
    A nice batch of dulces and other regalos.
    Outside in the yard there arose such a grito
    That I jumped to my feet like a fightened cabrito.
    I ran to the window and looked out afuera,
    And who in the world do you think that it era?
    Saint Nick in a sleigh and a big red sombrero
    Came dashing along like a crazy bombero.
    And pulling his sleigh instead of venados
    Were eight little burros approaching volados.
    I watched as they came and this quaint little hombre
    Was shouting and whistling and more...

    Version One:

    An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone
    who would spade up his potato garden.
    The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that
    garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"
    At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but
    didn't find any guns.
    Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
    His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
    Version Two:

    Place and time: somewhere in the Soviet Union in the 1930s. The phone rings at KGB headquarters.
    "My neighbor Ivan Asimov is an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his woodshed."
    "This will be noted."
    The next day, the KGB goons go over to Asimov's house. They more...

    College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version
    Time Limit: 3 WKS
    Name: _____________________________
    1. What language is spoken in France?
    2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
    particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
    conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
    3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
    ___ A. build a bridge
    ___ (b) sail the ocean
    ___ (c) lead an army or
    ___ (d) WRITE A PLAY
    4. What religion is the Pope?
    ___ A. Jewish
    ___ (b) Catholic
    ___ (c) Hindu
    ___ (d) Polish
    ___ (e) Agnostic
    (check only one)
    5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
    6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
    is on the 5?
    7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
    8. What are people in America's far north called?
    ___ A. Westerners
    ___ (b) Southerners
    ___ (c) Northerners
    9. Spell: Bush, more...

    Subject: more microsoft c humor
    Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
    Project: Version - Windows 95
    Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE): #include
    #include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
    #include /* For the court of law */
    #define say(x) lie(x)
    #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
    #define next_year soon
    #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
    void main()
    if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
    if (there_are_still_bugs)
    if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
    make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
    lie.h */
    if (rumours_grow_wilder)
    if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
    say("It will be ready in one more...

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