Bound Jokes / Recent Jokes

President
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Executive Vice President
Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks to God.
Division Manager
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.
Talks with God if special request is approved.
Plant Manager
Barely clears a Quonset hut.
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God.
Sales Manager
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings.
Is run over by a locomotive.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury.
Dog more...

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.

Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.

Mrs. Mueller is first.

"What do you wish for yourself?"

"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."

"Okay, that shall be granted to you."

Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few more...

The College Food Chain:

THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God

THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God

PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored

ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God

ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can more...

THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Treads water
Talks to more...

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When not to Fart:
1. In a crowded elevator
2. On a crowded bus
3. In a public library
4. While on a date
5. While giving a speech
6. In church
7. In a crowded classroom
8. In your office when you`re alone - someone`s bound to walk in immediately afterwards
9. In a movie theater
10. In your cubicle at work - again someone`s bound to walk in to visit
11. In a walk-in freezer - it`ll linger a while
12. In an commercial airplane
13. In a ticket line
14. In your car before picking up a family member
15. during confession
16. In bed when you`re feeling frisky
17. In a Cessna
18. While fighting fire in a burning building
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation

When to Fart:
1. In your bosses office as you are turning to leave. Tip-Make sure it`s a silent one.
2. In a bathroom
3. In a cashier`s line - it might help to speed up things
4. In an empty elevator before more...

The real interpretation of corportate titles:
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: Leaps tall building in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Discusses policy with God
PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water if the sea is calm Talks with God
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with God if special request is approved
VICE PRESIDENT: Barely clears a Quonset hut Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by God
GENERAL MANAGER: Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings Is run over by locomotive Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Dog paddles Talks to more...