Bound Jokes / Recent Jokes

young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that Ive got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? Ive managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but shes bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that Ive got really bad breath? Ive been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as hes lived with me for a week, hes bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, Ive a c onfession to make."And she says, "So have I, love."To which he replies, more...

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.
Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn’t want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.
Mrs. Mueller is first.
“What do you wish for yourself? ”
“I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings. ”
“Okay, that shall be granted to you. ”
Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows.
Next it is Mueller’s mother-in-law’s more...

The General: Faster than a speeding bullet,
More powerful than a locomotive,
Leaps over tall buildings with a single bound,
Walks on water, and
Talks with God
The Colonel: Just as fast as a speeding bullet,
More powerful than a switch engine,
Leaps over small buildings with a single bound,
Walks on water when it's calm, and
Talks with God on special occasions
The Lt Col: Faster than a speeding BB,
Loses a tug-of-war with a switch engine,
Leaps over small buildings with a running start,
Swims well, and
Listens at a distance to the voice of God.
The Major: Can load a gun properly,
Plays with train sets,
Leaps over Quonset huts with a running start,
Can do the Dog Paddle, and
Sometimes pays attention to what the Lt. Col. says,
The Captain: Is not issued ammunition for fear of self-inflicted injury,
Recognizes a locomotive two out of three times,
Runs into buildings,
Can wade through water less more...

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her? ”
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, “Now how do I tell my husband that I’ve got really bad breath? I’ve been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he’s lived with me for a week, he’s bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently? ”
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, “Darling, I’ve a confession to make. ”
And she says, “So have I, love. more...

UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
Says "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself
GRADUATE STUDENT
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life jacket
Talks to walls
INSTRUCTOR/POSTDOC
Climbs walls continually
Rides the rails
Plays Russian Roulette
Walks on thin ice
Prays alot
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Treads water
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and more...

The College Food Chain:
The Dean
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God.
The Department Head
Leaps short buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a switch engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Talks with God.
Professor
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine. Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool. Talks with God if a special request is honored.
Associate Professor
Barely clears a Quonset hut. Loses tug of war with a locomotive. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.
Assistant Professor
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings. Is run over by locomotives. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury. Treads water. Talks to more...

young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?" Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?" The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a c onfession to make." And she says, "So have I, love." To which he more...