Babe Jokes / Recent Jokes

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"
MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money you father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?'"
HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on the wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"
COLUMBUS'S MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered Christopher, you could have written!"
BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, How many times have I told you-quit playing baseball in the house! that's the third window you've broken this week!"
MICHAELANGELO'S MOTHER: " Mike, can't you paint on walls lie other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right Napoleon. If you're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove more...

TEENAGE ASIAN GANGSTERS Your car probably looks like this by now. Wears a Buddha bracelet on wrist. Start smoking cigarettes by the age of 13. Wear some really baggy pants with a white logo T-shirt. Have either the typical Asian haircut with long dyed bangs or some slicked back hair. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe. Kiss up to older gang members to increase rank. OLDER ASIAN GANGSTERS Sport a lot of gold jewelry to show off. Wear nice tight pants, with HK-Style See-Through Shirts. Been Smoking for at least 10 years. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe. Tell stories about glorious past to younger gangsters. Treat the teenagers good so they can introduce you to young virgin girls. Living at home with parents, still! Slick back hair, or just regular Asian haircut. Show off with guns and drugs which actually belong to someone else. Hang out in gambling dens and massage parlors, but never do anything but watch the other people. LEADERS OF ASIAN GANGS more...

A guy enters a bar and spots a hot-looking babe sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says, "Hey there, how's it going?"
She turns around, looks him straight in the eye and says, "I'll screw anyone, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter."
"Really," he replies. "What law firm do you work for?"

"IT''S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected
with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn''t it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It''s a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT''S JUST
THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU''RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can''t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT''S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW more...

a man was sitting on the chair when his wife said to him. 'love'
'yes dear'
'do me a favour and go and fix the tap in the bathroom, its dripping all the time'
the husband replies,'eh eh, take a good look at me now, have a good look at me babe, do i look like a fucking plumber'
wife replies,'do me a favour and go and fix the shelf in the bedroom'
the husband replies,'eh eh, take a good look at me now, have a good look at me babe, do i look like a fucking carpenter'
wife replies,'do me a favour and go and do the garden up'
the husband replies,'eh eh, take a good look at me now, have a good look at me babe, do i look like a fucking gardener'
so the husband went down the pub and forces a couple of pints down.when he came back all the jobs had been done.
the husband says'you look pleased with youself'
the wife replies'yeh, john from next door has fixed all the jobs'
'so how much do i owe him'
'nothing, i asked him if he wanted me to bake him more...

There once was a man who died and went to heaven. There he saw a hot babe and a ladder. The babe said "you can have sex with me or climb the ladder to success."
The man climbed the ladder. There he saw an even hotter babe who said the same thing. He climbed the ladder again. He saw yet another ladder and an even hotter babe, hotter than the previous ones. She said the same thing.
So the man climbed the ladder one more time. This time he saw an extremely ugly man. The ugly man said "Hi, I'm Sess, suck me."

After big tragedies the net often swims with humor about the people and event involved. Some people think this is a healing process, others find it in bad taste.

WARNING: DO NOT READ If think you might be offended by Sonny Bono death jokes.

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What do Cher and a 50 year old Redwood have in common?
They both got nailed by Sonny Bono. .

What's the difference between Al Gore and Sonny Bono?
One's a tree-hugging stiff...
and the other's a tree-hugging stiff.

That makes it...
TREES. ........ 2
Celebrites. ... 0

Death by snow:
Michael Kennedy,
Sonny Bono,
Chris Farley

What was the most surprising thing about the discovery of Sonny's body?
That he was recognized.

Why did Sonny die in a ski accident?
After being a mayor and a congressman, he wanted to be a Kennedy.

Police reported it was a quick more...