"The Man Dictionary" joke

"IT''S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected
with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn''t it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It''s a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT''S JUST
THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU''RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can''t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT''S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to' 'F Troop'', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I''ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU,
AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON''T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT''S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I''m hurt."

"I CAN''T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn''t fall into my outstretched hands, so I''m completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven''t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don''t spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, God, please don''t try on one more outfit, I''m starving."

"I''M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."