Aye Jokes / Recent Jokes

BRAIN - SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered.
CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report!
NUMBER ONE: Sir! We're picking up loud music.
CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep!
NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it's "The Last Train to Clarksville."
CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction.
CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on.
NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness... darkness... Wait, there's a
woman sleeping there.
CENTRAL: A woman?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Libido Station wants to know if it is Anna Kournikova.
CENTRAL: Forget about Libido. What can you tell me?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Memory reports a near perfect match to "wife," sir.
CENTRAL: Well of course. Keep looking.
NUMBER ONE: Sir, urgent report from Stomach on the horn, do you want to take it?
CENTRAL: Stomach, what's going on?
STOMACH: Sir, we've taken a more...

Girl of 1960: Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai… aja moray balma tera intezar hai.
Girl of 2007: Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai… aje moray balma warna dusra tayyar hai.

"My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as
he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
"I got in a tiff with Riley."
"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised.
"He must have had something in his hand."
"Aye,.. that he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."
"Dear Lord,... didn't you have anything in YOUR hand?"
"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful
thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father O'Rafferty.

"Top o' the mornin' to ye," said the Father, "Aren't you Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry ye and yer husband two years ago?"

She replied "Aye, that ye did, Father."

"And be there any wee ones yet?"

"No, not yet, Father," Mrs. O'Donovan said.

"Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for ye."

"Oh, thank ye, Father." They parted ways.

Some years later they met again.

"Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan," the priest said. "How are ye these days?"

"Oh, very well," said she.

"And tell me," he said. "Have ye any wee ones yet?"

"Oh, yes, Father," Mrs. O'Donovan replied. "Three sets of twins and four singles -- 10 in more...

One day wee jordy was out walking with his lass in the fields of scotland, while walking through the heather the lass says;"ah wee jordy i can tell you want to hold my hand! wee jordy says "aye lass that i do, but how can you tell? Well she says "i can tell by the gleam in your eye." Walking along a bit further she says to him "wee jordy i can tell you wantto give me a kiss"." well I lass that i do, but how can you tell?" "ah wee jordy, i can tell by the gleam in your eye!"Walking along a bit further she says "wee jordy i can tell you want tomake love to me". he says, "aye lass that i do! you can tell by the gleam in my eye!""No!" she says... "by the tilt in your kilt!"