Sea Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was down on his luck,
    and as he was looking through the classifieds, he saw an
    intriguing ad offering a ten million dollar reward to the person
    who could find and retrieve, intact, something called a "tis
    bottle."
    Having nothing to lose, he calls the man who placed the ad. "I
    absolutely must have this bottle, and there are only three
    surviving in the world," the wealthy man tells him, "one is in
    the heart of the deepest jungle, one is at the bottom of the
    coldest, darkest sea, and one is at the top of the highest
    mountain. I will pay your expenses for however long it takes to
    bring me one of these bottles, as well as giving you the ten
    million."
    Being an adventurous fellow, he decides to accept the offer.
    First, he gathers a retinue of guides and hunters to go with him
    into the jungle. He studies for months to prepare, and when he
    is more...

    Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

    "Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

    "Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

    Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea when they were hijacked by a group of pirates. The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give us all your valuables!" The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!" Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea. Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates. Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea. Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at the pirates and sneered. "You all kee see lah! (go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex and my JPG warret!" The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest. In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. more...

    A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. In front of him he sea? a big jar full of change and a little card that reads:
    Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh.
    COST $5
    So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves.
    The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and sea? the horse and the jar, this time it says:
    You can win all of this if you make the horse cry.
    COST $10
    So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had.
    So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks “How did you do that? ”
    The guy says, “The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him! ”

    Whats a sea serpents favourite meal? Fish and ships!

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