Sew Jokes

Once a young Brahmin went to the house of a very respectable Old Brahmin to
ask for his young daughters hand. "My dear Sir", he goes "I have heard that
your daughter has all the good qualities of a Bahu"?
The old brahmin answered "Haan! !
More that that, she is Sundara Vati and Padma Vati"
But can she cook and keep house"? Asked the young man "Oh yes,
she is Dharma Vati" answered the old man
"Now, can she sew"? asked the young man "Oh yes yes,
she can not only sew, but she is KalaVati " answered the old man
"What about her education"? Asked the young man
"She is Vidya Vati" answered the old man
"And the Vedas"? Asked the young man "Oh yes yes,
she is Veda Vati" answered the old man
The young man is very happy to find the perfect bride and gets married to her.
Two days later he comes back with his newly married more...

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady. She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week. When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay. The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers." Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven." I sew the elastic on... He pulls on it and says,....." Yep, diesel fitter".

ODE TO A SPELL CHECKER by Jerrold H ZarI have a spelling checker. It came with my PC. It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye can knot sea. Eye ran this poem threw it, Your sure reel glad two no. Its vary polished in it's weigh. My checker tolled me sew. A checker is a bless sing. It freeze yew lodes of thyme. It helps me right awl stiles two reed, And aides me when aye rime. Each frays come posed up on my screen Eye trussed too be a joule. The checker pours o'er every word To cheque sum spelling rule. Bee fore a veiling checker's Hour spelling mite decline, And if we're lacks oar have a laps, We wood bee maid to wine. Butt now bee cause my spelling Is checked with such grate flare, Their are know fault's with in my cite, Of nun eye am a wear. Now spelling does knot phase me, it does knot bring a tier. My pay purrs awl due glad den With wrapped word's fare as hear. To rite with care is quite a feet Of witch won should bee proud, And wee mussed dew the best wee can, Sew flaw's more...

My `Spelling Checker'
Now I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks I can knot sea
 
I ran this poem threw it
Your sure reel glad two know
It's vary polished in it's weigh
My checker tolled me sew
 
This checker is a bless sing
It freeze yew lodes of thyme
It helps me right awl stiles to read
And aides me when eye rime
 
Each frays come posed up on my screen
I trussed to be a joule
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule
 
Now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare
Their are no faults within my cite
Of none eye am a wear
 
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud
And me must do the best we can
Sew flaws are knot aloud
 
Sew ewe can see why I do prays
Such soft ware for pea seas
And why I brake in two more...

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady.
She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied.

Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week.

When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.

The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers."

Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven.
"I sew the elastic on...
He pulls more...