Average Jokes / Recent Jokes
The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam
Little Jimmy has an AK 47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Little Johnny attempt before he has to reload?
Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?
Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40, 000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?
Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10, 000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per more...
The typical Internet user receives an average of 17,000 email messages per year. Of this total, an average of one message actually contains useful information (it says: 'Disregard previous email'). The rest are porno ads, investment opportunities for morons ('Make Big Money Petting Kittens At Home!'), and jokes that were originally set in movable type by Johann Gutenberg. -Dave Barry
Technically, Windows is an 'operating system,' which means
that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that
it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop
operating. -Dave Barry
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree,
is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals.
We cause accidents. -Nathaniel Borenstein
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is more...
The average suth'ner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
The average suth'ner knows pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
The average suth'ner knows what general direction "cattywumpus" is.
The average suth'ner knows that "gimme sugar"don't mean pass the sugar.
The average suth'ner knows when somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.
The average suth'ner knows how good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.
The average suth'ner knows what, "Well, I Suwannee!" means.
The average suth'ner knows ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits!
The average suth'ner knows a good dog is worth its weight in gold.
The average suth'ner knows real gravy don't come from a store.
The average suth'ner knows when "by and by" is.
The average suth'ner knows how to more...
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. There are more chickens than people in the world. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched." On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Maine is the only state whose more...
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.
Study Finds Female Beauty Is Male Drug
Brain scans show a man's reaction to seeing beautiful women is similar
to an addict's when he get his fix.
The study seems to be proof feminine beauty affects the male brain at
its most basic level.
Pictures of attractive women activated the same reward circuits in the
brains of heterosexual men as food and cocaine.
The study may help prove we are born knowing what is beautiful and what
is not.
Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and a
co-author
of the study, said: "This is hard-core circuitry. Beauty is working
similar to a drug."
In a second, related study, men were shown random pictures of women for
several seconds, but could extend or cut the viewing time by pressing
keys on a keypad.
Attractive women were viewed an average of 8. 7 seconds while others
were
viewed for 5. 2 seconds.
The men worked frantically to keep more...
# 1 In February 1878, the first telephone book was published in New Haven, Connecticut. The book was one page long and had fifty names in it.
# 2 For more than 3,000 years, Carpenter ants have been used to close wounds in India, Asia and South America.
# 3 In 2001, the five most valuable brand names in order were Coca-Cola, Microsoft, IBM, GE, and Nokia.
# 4 The Sears Tower in Chicago contains enough steel to build 50,000 automobiles.
# 5 Ninety-nine percent of pumpkins sold in the United States are for the sole purpose of decoration.
# 6 The Arctic Tern, which is a small bird, can fly a round trip from the Arctic to the Antarctic and back. This can be as long as twenty thousand miles per year. This is the longest migration for a bird.
# 7 Each year, Americans throw away 25 trillion Styrofoam cups.
# 8 The town with the most stop signs per capita than any other in the US: LaConner, Washington.# 152 # 9 The three wealthiest families in the world have more...