Auburn Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q. What is the difference between a litter of puppies and Alabama fans?
A. The puppies stop whining after 6 weeks.
Q. Do you know the difference between an Auburn fan getting run over by a car and an Alabama fan?
A. There are skid marks in front of the Bama fan!! Q. What`s a seven course meal at Auburn?
A. A possum and a six-pack.
Q. Do you know why Terry Bowden was fired?
A. He was too short to step down. Q. What do they put on the bottoms of Coke bottles at Auburn?
A. Please open other end.
This year`s Auburn team is so sorry they have to buy a house just to get a yard.
Q. How do you keep an Auburn football player out of your yard?
A. Put a goal post in it.
Q. How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one, but it takes a roomfull to sit around and talk about how the BEAR would have done it.
A Bama alum, a Tennesse alum and an Auburn alum have been captured by Iraqi forces and are about to be executed by firing squad.
First, the Bama alum is blindfolded and placed in front of the firing squad. The Iraqi officer said, "Ready, aim...."
The Bama alum yells "Sandstorm!" and all the Iraqis hit the dirt and the Bama alum runs away.
The Tennesse guy was placed in front of the firing squad. The officer said "Ready, aim.....";
The Tennesseean shouted " Tornado!!!!". All the Iraqis again hit the dirt while the Volunteer escaped.
The auburn guy thought this was great. When he was blindfolded, again the officer shouted "Ready, aim...."
The Aubie shouted "FIRE!"
An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico with Native Americans who told him the Legend of the Maidens.
The tale went this way: "There are beautiful maidens who live in the cracks and crevices in this valley. If you hear them call, 'Woo Woo,' take off your clothes quickly and enter the cave. They will show you a fabulous time!" Several days later, the headlines in the local newspaper read: "Body of Naked Auburn Student found in Tunnel, Run Over by Train."
After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.
"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don`t get their own houses up here."
Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It`s a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Auburn flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Auburn banner hangs between the marble columns.
"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Shug gets a mansion with Auburn banners and AU flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"
God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that`s not Shug`s house. That`s mine."
Several years ago the city of Birmingham decided to lease several English style double decker buses to transport the Auburn and Alabama fans to the Iron bowl. On this bus, the Auburn fans were on the bottom level and the Alabama fans were on the top deck. as we started off to the stadium, all of the Auburn fans were making a lot of noise yelling "War Eagle" and having a good time. We noticed that the Alabama fans were quiet. Not a sound was coming from the upper deck.
I decided to go up top and see what was wrong. As I arrived up top, I noticed that all of the Alabama fans had their hands clasped on the rail in front of them and they all were white as a sheet. I was stunned. I asked them why they all were so frightened?
They replied with fear in their eyes, "WE DON`T HAVE A DRIVER".
Q. How do you keep Freddie Kitchens from hitting you with a football?
A. Wear a Bama jersey!
Q. How did the Alabama student die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q. Why do Alabama students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!
Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!
Q. What is the one thing that keeps so many Alabama football players from graduating?
A. CLASSWORK!
Q. Did you hear about the Alabama fan who froze to death?
A. He went to the drive in... He sat through "Closed for the season"!!
Q. How do you get an Auburn student off your porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza!
Two Auburn fans have been walking in the woods for eight hours when they stop and one turns to the other and says, "I`m cutting the next Christmas tree we find, lights or no lights."
Q. more...
An Alabama and an Auburn cheerleader where each late for breakfast at cheerleading camp so they had to eat cereal instead of a hot breakfast.
The Alabama cheerleader fixed her bowl of Cheerios and went to sit at a nearby table.
The Auburn cheerleader picked up the box and started to poor herself some, but suddenly stopped with a dumb look on her face.
The Alabama cheerleader asked her what was wrong, to which the Auburn cheerleader replied, "Nothing. I`ve just never seen doughnut seeds before!"