Artist Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An artist was commissioned to do a mural to be placed in the Museum of the site of the "Battle of the Big Horn." He was asked to do an oil painting depicting what Gen. George A. Custer's last thoughts could have been just prior to his death on the battlefield.
    At the mural's unveiling, dignitaries from all over the country attended. All in attendance were shocked when the mural was unveiled. There was a painting showing General Custer in deep thought, with two caption clouds over his head. Inside one of the clouds was painted a pile of manure with a "halo" over it. Inside the other caption cloud were multitudes of naked Indians making love.
    The Governor of Montana, who was acting as the Master of Ceremonies, called the artist to the microphone so he could explain what all this meant. The artist said, "Well, there's General Custer and he's thinking - holy shit, where did all these fuckin' Indians come from?"

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest
    in his paintings on display at that time.

    "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good
    news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and
    wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When
    I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

    "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad
    news?"

    "The guy was your doctor."

    Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he had recently performed a successful sight-saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated pop artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room. The mural turned out be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?"

    "To tell the truth," replied the physician, "my first thought was, thank more...

    * WIFE AND MISTRESS *
    An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress.
    The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
    The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
    The engineer said "I like both."
    "Both?" The artist and architect asked.
    "Yeah," said the engineer, "If you have a wife AND a mistress, they will both assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go into the lab and get some work done."

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.""That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?""The guy was your doctor."

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