Adult Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster-one that service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied:' I have just the rooster for you. Ricky here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!'

So the farmer took Ricky back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Ricky a little pep talk.' Ricky,' he said,' I'm counting on you to do your stuff.' And without a word he strutted into the hen house.

Ricky was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Ricky had finished having his way with each hen. But Ricky didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried more...

Once there was an elderly couple that lived on a farm. One day the farmer came to his wife and grabbed her boobs.

He said, "If we could get milk out of these things, we could get rid of the cows."

The next day he approached her, grabbed her butt, and said, "If we could get eggs out of this thing, we could get rid of the chickens."

His wife turned around, reached between his legs, and said, "If you could get this hard, we could get rid of your brother."

In a small town some where in Illinois lies a family. It consisted of a husband, wife, three sons, and a daughter. One of the sons had a terrible secret.

"Dad, I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm gay," said the son.

The Dad was furious he couldn't believe that one of his sons was gay.

A year had passed and his second son approached him and told a very bad secret.

"Dad, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm gay."

The Dad went crazy again, he couldn't believe that two out of three sons were gays.

Another year had passed and the third son came forward. "Dad I know you're not going to want to hear this but, I'm gay.

The Dad was enraged he started shouting "DOESN'T ANYONE IN THIS FAMILY LIKE GIRLS ANYMORE?!!"

The daughter said, "I do, I do!"

Mr. Smith got himself a new secretary. She was young, pretty, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation she noticed his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said,' Mr. Smith, do you know your barracks door is open?'

He didn't immediately understand her remark but later on he glanced down and saw his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. He called her in and asked,' By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did notice the soldier standing at attention?'

' Why, no Mr. Smith,' she replied sweetly,' all I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two old duffel bags.'

A husband and wife noticed that their little boy's penis was a little too small so they took him to the doctor. They expressed their concerns to the doctor. The doctor said to feed the little boy lots of toast.

The next morning, the wife gets up really early and makes a huge stack of toast. When the little boy comes down to breakfast, the mother says,' Take the top two slices. The rest are for your father.'

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor said,' We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.'

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked,' Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?' The old man replied,' No problem at all, Pastor.'

'Congratulations! Welcome to the church!' said the pastor.

The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?' The man replied,' The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.'

'Congratulations! Welcome to the church!' said the pastor.

The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two more...

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor's office. "We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."

"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."