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A 60 year old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"
The 60 year old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"
The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing 3 times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."
The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60 year old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"
The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once more...
OUTGOING PERSONALITY.................. Always going out of the office
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS............. Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS............. Spends lots of time on phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE...................... Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED.......... Made no major blunders yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY................ Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY....................... Drinks a lot
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY............. Spouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKER.................... Nobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKING........................ Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER....................... Won't make a decision
AGGRESSIVE............................ Obnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS.......... Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL............. Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL........ A nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP more...
A 60 year old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, “You’re in terrific shape. There’s nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died? ”
The 60 year old responded, “Did I say he was dead? ”
The doctor was surprised and asked, “How old is he and is he very active? ”
The 60 year old responded, “Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing 3 times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer. ”
The doctor couldn’t believe it! So he said, “Well, how old was your grandfather when he died? ”
The 60 year old responded again, “Did I say he was dead? ”
The doctor was astonished. He said, “You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active? ”
The 60 year old said, “He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a more...
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS........... Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS........... Spends lots of time on phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE.................... Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED........ Made no major blunders yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY.............. Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY..................... Drinks a lot
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY........... Spouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKER.................. Nobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKING...................... Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER..................... Won't make a decision
AGGRESSIVE.......................... Obnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS........ Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL........... Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL...... A nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES............ Is tall or has a loud voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT........ Lucky
KEEN more...
The following are excerpts from various American Medical Journals. Prepare yourself, they are pretty amazing and sick (But all are true)
You have been warned!!!!!
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FEMALE SOFA: A 500-pound woman from Illinois was examined in the hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts, and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva. OUCH!
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A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in bloodied restaurant towels. The man had his arms around his waist, and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her mouth to clamp down more...
A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?" The 60 year old responded, "Who said he was dead?" The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?" The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer." The doctor couldn't believe it. "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?" The 60 year old responded again, "Who said he was dead?" The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?" The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during more...
Success is the active process of making your dreams real and inspiring others to dream. - James Anders Honeycutt
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Tact is the art of convincing people that they know more than they do.
Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.
Take this job and shove it.
Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
Technology makes it possible for people to gain control over everything, except over technology.
That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.
The 5 P`s: Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance