leg Jokes / Recent Jokes

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him.

In fact, he couldn’t bring himself to tell his fiancée’ about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, “Darling, I’ve got a big surprise for you, ” at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.

The wedding night came and went and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. “Now don’t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise, ” said the bride.

Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into be, and placed his wife’s hand on the stump.

“Hmmmmmm, ” she said softly, “That Is a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I’ll see what I can do! ”

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.

Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.

The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said,"You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!

So, how did you break YOUR leg??"

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"

The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.

"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket' bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."

"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked.

The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."

"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket' bout more...

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Interviewer: What is your birth date?
Udurawana: 13th October
Interviewer: Which year?
Udurawana: EVERY YEAR
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Manager asked Udurawana at an interview Can you spell
a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Udurawana replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.

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After returning back from a foreign trip, Udurawana asked
his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Udurawana: In London a lady asked me "Are you a foreigner?"

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One tourist from U. S. A. asked Udurawana
"Any great man born in this village???"
Udurawana: no sir, only small Babies!!!
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In the university, lecturer asked to write a note on "Buddha Jayanthi" So more...

Two drunks staggering home one night and one decides to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Half way through an apparition appears. "What's that on your back?" the ghost asks.

"It's a hump" says the drunk The ghost puts his hand on the drunk's back and the hump disappears.

He races home and next night at the pub he tells his mate all about it. His mate is amazed and says he is going through the cemetery that night as he has a wooden leg and wants a proper leg. Again half way through the cemetery a ghost appears... "What's wrong with your leg?" he asks.

"It's a wooden leg," says the drunk.

"Have you got a Hump?" asks the ghost.

"No" replies the drunk. So the ghost puts his hand on the drunk's back and says, "Here, you can have this one."

In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks1. [xxx] is not food. Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human's homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my poop, electric wiring, the rubber fish toy my human drags around for me to play with; rubber bands; Mom's toe; the HUGE fly; used Q-tips; the other cat's vomited food. 2. I will not jump on the [xxx]. kitchen counter, table, stove, barbecue, my human's full bladder at 5: 30 A. M., bed at night, TV, bed from the top of the wardrobe at night. 3. I will not sharpen my claws on the [xxx]. sofa, carpet, drapes, my human's leg, my human's boss's leg, the new speakers, wallpaper, window screen, car tires. 4. I will not pee/poop/barf a hairball on the [xxx]. floor, carpet, sofa, clean laundry, sleeping human, human's tax return, the tax auditor, TV, baby's mattress, kitchen more...

A man and woman meet in a bar and start to dance. She comments on how the man is a wonderful dancer. He says, not bad for a man with a wooden leg, eh? She says, yeah right, you don't have a wooden leg. Well watch. So he unscrewed his leg and proved it to her. Later, dropping her off at home he kisses her and she say's my you embrace me divinely. He says not bad for a man with a wooden arm, huh? They go inside and play cards with her parents. She say's, my you play a wonderful game ofcards. He say's not bad for a guy with a wooden head eh? She say's you don't have a wooden head. He say's come into the next room and I'll show you. The parents waited quite a while but finally look and sure enough he was screwing his head off.