"Xmas top ten signs the person answering the butterball turkey hotline is nuts" joke
"Signs the Person Answering the Butterball Turkey Hotline is Nuts"
As presented on the 11/26/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
Starts out by asking, "What are you wearing?"
Keeps referring to product called "Vicks Vap-O-Gravy"
Recommends thawing the turkey in your pants
Wants you to look inside the turkey for contact lens he lost at the processing plant
When you ask, "How often should I baste it?" he says, "Are we still talking about the turkey?"
Tells you that when the timer pops up, you have ten seconds before the damn thing explodes
Insists you cook turkey at six degrees for 450 hours
Keeps interrupting to ask if you're planning to eat the bird or wear it as a hat
Claims to have sailed from New York to the Bahamas in a gravy boat
He tells you to go stuff yourself
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. more...
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
Q:what did god say when the first black person came to heaven?
A:oops I must of burnt one!!
Arnold Schwartzinagor has a long one
Michael J. Fox has a short one
Madonna doesn't have one and
Bill Clinton uses his a lot
What is "it"?
A last name!
Now what were you thinking?