"Vow of Silence" joke
A man joins a monastery and although he takes a vow of silence, he is permitted to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years have past, the elders bring him in and ask him for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says. The elders nod and send him away.
After seven more years, they bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Lousy food," he mumbles. Again, the elders nod and send him away.
Another seven years pass and the elders bring him in and once more ask him for his two words.
"I quit," he says, clearing his throat.
"We're not surprised," says the elders, "you've done nothing but complain since you got here."
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
Jimmy came up to his father one day and asked for a car. His father said, "Jimmy once your dick reaches your asshole, you can have a car." Two years later, Jimmy told his dad that his dick was able to reach his asshole. His father turned to him and said, "Well more...
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...
Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.