"Vow of Silence" joke

A man joins a monastery and although he takes a vow of silence, he is permitted to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years have past, the elders bring him in and ask him for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says. The elders nod and send him away.
After seven more years, they bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Lousy food," he mumbles. Again, the elders nod and send him away.
Another seven years pass and the elders bring him in and once more ask him for his two words.
"I quit," he says, clearing his throat.
"We're not surprised," says the elders, "you've done nothing but complain since you got here."

A man phoned his boss "I need a day off today, something is wrong with my eyes". "What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss. "Don't know, but I can't see myself coming into work today".

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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How do you know if a chink robbed your house?
Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the chink is still trying to back out of your driveway!

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How do you blindfold a chink?
Dental floss.

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