"Two Italians and a Pollock" joke

Two Italians and a Pollock go into a bar. The Pollock doesn't have a
girlfriend and the Italians feel sorry for him. They explain to him
that if he studies their moves, he'll be able to pick up women.
So the first Italian walks up to this blonde chick and goes,"Hey
baby, ya' wanna' leave here?"
She goes,"I'd love to-but we can't go to my house. My parents will
kill me if they see me with you."
He goes,"That's okay. We'll go to my house," and they leave.
The second Italian says,"That's nothing. Watch me in action and
learn!"
So he walks up to some blonde and says,"Hey baby, ya' wanna' leave
here?"
She replies,"I'd love to-but we can't go to my house. My husband
will kill me if he sees me with you."
He says,"That's okay. We'll go to my house," and they leave.
Now the Pollock's alone and he says to himself,"I think this looks
pretty easy. I think I'll try it."
So the Pollock walks up to this brunette and says,"Hey baby, how do
ya' wanna' leave here?"
She goes,"I'd love to-but I can't. I'm on my menstrual cycle."
He says, "That's okay. We'll go on my moped."

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!

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A very absent-minded professor entered a crowded bus, with no available seats. Suddenly a little girl raised from her seat and offered it to the professor. He was astonished and said to her:
- You are a very good girl, what's your name?
- My name is Eve, daddy...

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Once a young Brahmin went to the house of a very respectable Old Brahmin to
ask for his young daughters hand. "My dear Sir", he goes "I have heard that
your daughter has all the good qualities of a Bahu"?
The old brahmin answered "Haan! more...

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Dear Mom and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for more...

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