"The burglar and the parrot" joke
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to
place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark
saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and
froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked
the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as
he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as
a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the
source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his
flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He
hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn
you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name
a parrot Moses?"
The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that
would name a Rotweiller "Jesus"!
Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought.
An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took more...