Shined Jokes

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to
place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark
saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and
froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked
the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as
he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as
a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the
source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his
flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He
hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to more...

This man had been having a few beers down at the neighbourhood bar. It was dark out and he was walking home by a park when nature called so he stepped behind a hedge to relieve himself. To his and their surprise a couple were going at it on the grass and he almost stepped on them. The guy got up and took off running.
The man could see the naked outline of the gals bare legs as she continued to lie there while he relieved himself. He could feel his interest grow as he finished. Without a word he got down on his knees between her legs and took advantage of the situation. She embraced him and showed her willingness.
Just as they were both getting into it hot and heavy a cop walked by and shined his flashlight on them saying, "What the hell do you think your doing, this is a public park."
The man said, "But officer this is my wife."
The officer said, "Oh, I didn't know she was your wife."
The man said, "Neither did I 'till you shined more...

This man had been having a few beers down at the neighbourhood bar. It was dark out and he was walking home by a park when nature called so he stepped behind a hedge to relieve himself. To his and their surprise a couple were going at it on the grass and he almost stepped on them. The guy got up and took off running.The man could see the naked outline of the gals bare legs as she continued to lie there while he relieved himself. He could feel his interest grow as he finished. Without a word he got down on his knees between her legs and took advantage of the situation. She embraced him and showed her willingness.Just as they were both getting into it hot and heavy a cop walked by and shined his flashlight on them saying, "What the hell do you think your doing, this is a public park."The man said, "But officer this is my wife."The officer said, "Oh, I didn't know she was your wife."The man said, "Neither did I 'till you shined your light on her."

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlightaround, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player toplace in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the darksaying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, andfroze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clickedthe light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just ashe pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear asa bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for thesource of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, hisflashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" Hehissed at the parrot." Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warnyou." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world more...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlightaround, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player toplace in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the darksaying, "Jesus is watching you."He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, andfroze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clickedthe light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just ashe pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear asa bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for thesource of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, hisflashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" Hehissed at the parrot."Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warnyou."The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are more...