"The Final Five Minutes" joke
An unmarried Rabbi is on an empty train when a sexy, beautiful woman walks into his empty carriage, carrying a foot long, BLT, Subway sandwich and proceeds to sit down opposite him.
After twenty minutes of emabarrasingly trying to avoid looking at the sexy woman opposite the train comes to a sudden halt and a voice comes over the speakers explaining that the Five Minute Warning has just gone off and that soon the UK will be under nuclear attack.
Shocked at this dreadful and sudden news the Rabbi's thoughts quickly turn to the fact that he will probably be dead within the next five minutes. However instead of taking comfort from his faith and religious training he begins to consider all the things he never did and all the experiences he missed out on due to the religious life he chose to lead.
He quickly realises that he is going to die a virgin too, as he is quite a young Rabbi and he never married. Feeling close to despair at this thought and all the other opportunities he has wasted in his life the Rabbi looks up and sees that the sexy woman opposite is looking at him and smiling in a very sexually seductive manor.
Why not? The Rabbi thinks to himself. After years of leading a relatively good life and obeying the laws of his religion, why shouldn't he enjoy the last five minutes of his life on earth? Surley even God would forgive him five minutes of pleasure and sin after many years of obediently following his divine laws.
Wth this thought in mind the Rabbi decides that he is going to just go for it and forget the consequences and enjoy his final five minutes on earth. He therfore looks back at the girl and begins to smile too.
Feeling a little auckward about this highly unusual and unexpected situation the Rabbi gently leans over towards the gorgeous woman and says,
" Excuse me Miss, but are you planning on eating that sandwich? "
What did the blonde's long sexy left leg say to her long sexy right leg?
Nothing, because they have never met.
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...
One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing,"You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!"The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best more...
My wife has just found out I've been fucking a Hermaphrodite.
She screamed at me, "What's she got that I haven't got?"
"Well....."
A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.