"Swedish coal miners (adult)" joke

Two Swedish coal miners (Sven & Olaf) were down in the mine working. The noon whistle blew for lunch and Sven pulled out a thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."
Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."
That night Olaf goes home, but forgets what it is called. So the next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Sven pulls out his thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."
Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."
That night Olaf goes home but forgets what it is called again. Well Olaf really wants one of these things. So he decides the next day when he asks he's going to write it down so he remembers what it is.
The next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Sven pulls out his thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
Well, by this time Sven is getting just a little bit pissed. Every day Olaf asks what it is and never remembers so he decides to just make up stuff since Olaf isn't going to remember anyway. So Sven says, "Dis is a contraceptive."
Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one." And he writes it down.
That night Olaf is in the neighborhood drug store and the pharmacist sees him walking around and says to him, "Can I help you?"
Olaf says, "Ya, I'd like a contraceptive."
And the pharmacist says, "Sure, what size?"
Olaf says, "Give me da 2 quart size, I'll be working in da hole all day!"

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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One day Rastus and Liza Jane were sitting at the bus stop when Rastus ups and asks, "Liza Jane can I's look up your dress before the bus gets here?"Liza Jane was startled and said, "No Rastus you cain't!"Well Rastus persisted and persisted till finally Liza more...

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An angel wrote:
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
If someone betrays you once, more...

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Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

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Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.

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