"Stand up nuts!" joke
The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to take a well
behaved group of inmates to a baseball game. The General Manager of
the club was a little leery of this. When the Recreational Director
said: "If I prove to you how well behaved they are, will you let
them in?" The General Director agreed.
The group of inmates came in and sat down. The Recreational Director
shouted: "Stand up, nuts!" Everyone stood up. "Sit down, nuts!"
Everyone sat down. "Look behind you, nuts!" Everyone turned around.
Pleased with that, the General Manager let them in. About the third
inning or so, he heard a tremendous commotion! People were running
helter skelter. He asked what happened and was told that someone had
called out: "Peanuts!"
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
One day Rastus and Liza Jane were sitting at the bus stop when Rastus ups and asks, "Liza Jane can I's look up your dress before the bus gets here?"Liza Jane was startled and said, "No Rastus you cain't!"Well Rastus persisted and persisted till finally Liza more...
An angel wrote:
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
If someone betrays you once, more...
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...