"Redneck Correspondence" joke

Dear Son

I am writing this slow cause I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happened within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address cause the last family that lived here took the numbers with then to there next house so they wont have to change there address, I wish the I have thought of that.

This place has a small washing machine. the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

It only rained twice this week- three days the first time and four days the second.

The coat you wanted me to send you; your aunt sue said it was too heavy to send it by mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Don't tell anyone.

We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral bill; up she comes. Luck we have a spare bedroom in the new place. We can move her when you come to visit.

About your father- he has a lovely new job. He has over 500 people under him; he is cutting grass at the cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out if it was a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you are a aunt or an uncle.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. One was driving two was in the back bed. The driver got out- he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned; they couldn't get the tailgate down.

Your uncle Mike fell in the whiskey vat at work. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. He wanted to be cremated, burned for three days.