Heavy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One day 3 guys are in an airplane, An American, a Spaniard, and an Egyptian. Suddenly the plane gets to heavy while its over Egypt.
    So the Egyptian throws a model of the Pyramids overboard. When he gets down he finds the boy crying.
    Why are you crying little boy? He asks.
    Im crying cause a pyramid fell on my head.
    The plane gets back in the air and it is still too heavy. So the Spaniard throws a toy bull off the plane. He gets down and finds a boy crying.
    Why are you crying little boy? He asks.
    Im crying cause a toy bull fell on my head.
    The plane goes back into the air and its still too heavy. The American then throws a pipe bomb out the overboard. He gets down and finds the boy laughing his guts out.
    Why the hell are you laughing so hard?
    Im laughing cuz when I farted the building behind me went boooooooooom!

    A Chinese man walked into a pub in New York with his pal.
    He says to his pal, "Hey! That's Jurassic Park Director, Steven Spielberg over there! God, I wish he'll come over to say hi".
    Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a heavy punch on the nose.
    "Hey! What's that for?!"
    "You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you bombed Pearl Harbour!"
    "I'm not Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
    "Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, you're all the same!"
    Spielberg walks back.
    The Chinese man calmly walks over and gives Spielberg a really heavy punch on the face.
    "What... !?!"
    "YOU BLOODY AMERICAN! YOU SANK THE TITANIC!"
    "No, no, an iceberg sank the Titanic!"
    "Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you're all the same!"

    A lawyer is driving in the middle of nowhere and his car breaks
    down. After waiting a while, a farmer comes along and asks what
    the problem is. Discovering what the problem is, the farmer
    offers his home to the lawyer to stay for the night.
    Later that night, the lawyer is asleep, and the farmer's wife
    comes in his room and wants to have sex with him. The lawyer
    says, "No, you're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife
    replies, "My husband is a heavy sleeper he won't wake up, I
    promise." To prove it, she takes the lawyer into her room where
    her husband is butt-naked and tells him to pull one of the hairs
    on his ass. The lawyer does it and the farmer doesn't wake up.
    Then they go back to the room and have sex. About 2 hours later,
    the wife comes back and wants more. The lawyer says once again
    "You're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife says, "I
    already told you, he's a more...

    Dear Son,
    I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you first left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the last family here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days this time. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue sid it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know if you are an Aunt or and Uncle. Not much more news this time, write soon.
    Love, Mom
    P.S. Was going to send you money, but the more...

    This blonde was sick of people thinking she was stupid (which she was), so she died her her hair brown.She looked in the mirror & thought she had 50 extra pounds to her brain! She walked around a bit more and she thought it was way to heavy, so she died it red.Then the blonde felt much better.Then it got heavy.She died it black-green-orange-purple-blue-tipped it-highlighted it-grew it- cut it- and now she lies in her bed - bald - wandering what color her hair is going to be when it grows back.This just goes to show, you can take the girl out of the blonde, but not the blonde out of the girl!!!

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