Heavy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Aries
The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.
Taurus
The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...
An American Who Finds Himself In Moscow Wants To Know The Time. He Sees A Man Approaching Him Carrying Two Heavy Suitcases And Asks The Fellow If He Knows The Correct Time.
"Certainly," Says The Russian, Setting Down The Two Bags And Looking At His Wrist. "It Is 11: 43 And 17 Seconds. The Date Is Feb. 13, The Moon Is Nearing Its Full Phase And The Atmospheric Pressure Stands At 992 Hectopascals And Is Rising."
The Visitor Is Dumbfounded But Manages To Ask If The Watch That Provides All This Information Is Japanese. No, He Is Told, It Is "Our Own, A Product Of Soviet Technology."
"Well, That Is Wonderful, You Are To Be Congratulated."
"Yes," The Russian Answers, Straining To Pick Up The Suitcases, "But These Batteries Are Still A Little Heavy."
God created the mule, and told him,' you will be Mule, workingconstantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years. The mule answered:' To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20.' And it was so. Then God created the dog, and told him,' you will hold vigilanceover the dwellings of Man, to him you will be his greatest companion. Youwill eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.'And the dog responded,' Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 10 years.' And it was so. God then created the monkey, and told him,' You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years.'And the monkey responded,' Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of theworld is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.' And it was so. Finally, God created Man and told him,' You are Man, the only more...
God created the mule, and told him, "You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."
And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."
And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 more...
God created the mule, and told him, 'you will be Mule, workingconstantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years. The mule answered: 'To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20.' And it was so.Then God created the dog, and told him, 'you will hold vigilanceover the dwellings of Man, to him you will be his greatest companion. Youwill eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.'And the dog responded, 'Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much.Please, no more than 10 years.' And it was so. God then created the monkey, and told him, 'You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years.'And the monkey responded, 'Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of theworld is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.' And it was so.Finally, God created Man and told him, 'You are Man, the only more...
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper where most accidents happen within twenty miles of home so we moved. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, I pulled the chain and havn't seen them since. It only rained twice this week. Three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you. Your Aunt Sue said it would be a little to heavy to send in the mail with them big heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last payment, up she comes. Your uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off playfully so he drowned. We cremated him, he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup one was driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled down more...