"Nuts~" joke
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. When the National Anthem began, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" The patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, the doctor yelled, "Down nuts!" so the patients all sat back down in their seats.
During the game, one of the players hit a home run. The doctor yelled, "Cheer nuts!" so the patients all broke out into applause and cheers.
Considering things were going very well, the doctor decided to leave his patients momentarily and get some munchies and a beer.
When the returned to his seat, there was a riot in progress. "What happened?" he asked a fellow patron sitting next to his group.
The fellow replies, "Well... everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled "Peanuts! Peanuts! Peanuts!"
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...
An Attorney was riding home in his limo and noticed two men sitting on the side of the road eating grass, he told his driver to stop and investigate.
His driver went to the two men and asked, sirs why are you eating grass? The first man replied, I have no money and must more...