"Never tell a lie unless it is" joke

Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

Don't knock on Death's door.
Instead, ring the bell and run. Death hates that...

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does a blond wear a tight skirt?
To keep her legs closed

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights).
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials".
6. Family coming to more...