"If using a touch-tone, press" joke
If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." Stutter on the letter "p" Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!) Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her. Ask to see a menu. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting." Ask for the guy who took your order last time. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words." Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and... action!" Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'." When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?" When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?" Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word." ***If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Well the last guy let me do it."
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