Repeated Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Chong was studying Engineering in Britain. He soon began missing his fried rice, so one day he walked into a corner Greek store to order a takeaway. But Chong had difficulty rolling his R's and stressing his L's, so when he went into the store, he said, "I want some flied lice." "What?" said the Greek store owner. "Flied lice,"repeated Chong. "Hey, listen to this!" the nasty store owner told the others in the shop. "What is it you want, sonny? Say it again." And Chong said it again, they all laughed. This happened every time Chong went into the store to order fried rice. One day, Chong decided to show them a thing or two, so he spent a whole week practicing. Confidently, he strolled into the Greek store. "Oh, it's you again. We missed you," said the store owner," said the store owner exaggeratedly. "Now what would you like?" "Fried Rice, thanks," said Chong. A stunned silence fell over the store. more...

    The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.
    After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies.
    About half held up their hands.
    Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.
    This time he received a response of about 80 percent.
    Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question.
    With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.
    "Mrs. Smith, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
    "I don't have any."
    "Mrs. Smith, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
    "Ninety five."
    "Mrs. Smith, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety five, and not have an enemy in the world."
    The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said, "It's more...

    A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

    "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

    "Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"

    "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

    "Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"

    "Didn't you see the letters' UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

    "Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

    "Don't you know what' UFO' means?!"

    The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. more...

    An older man, Mr.Brown, in his hospital room knew that he was nearing his death, so he called in the three people that he trusted the most - his doctor, his pastor, and his lawyer. They were all waiting sadly outside of his room, when he called in his doctor. The doctor walked in slowly expecting to have to reassure the diagnosis. To his surprise, his patient handed him $30,000 in cash. Mr. Brown simply said, "When I die, put this in my coffin."
    The doctor walked walked out confused and told the pastor that Mr. Brown was ready for him. Now the pastor walked in expecting for Mr. Brown to confess every sin he ever committed in hopes of ending it right. To his surprise, the old man handed him another $30,000; Mr. Brown simply repeated himself.
    His pastor walked out searching the possibilities and told the lawyer that his client was ready for him. The lawyer walked in expecting that his client would want to review his will. To his surprise, Mr. Brown handed him another more...

    Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.
    "Easy," she replied. "He only has one eye."
    The chief was stunned. "He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!" He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.
    "He only has one ear," was her answer.
    "What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!" He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, "How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer."
    After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, "He's more...

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