"I don't blame Congress" joke

I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too.

All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do.

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A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "It's simple. Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

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Susie Lee fell in love.
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy' bout it all,
she told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, "Susie Gal,
you'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' maw don't know,
but Joe is yo' more...

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Bosses are like legs... When they get to the top, they become asses.

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A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I more...

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